Why don’t you make posts about north node meanings? – Alessandra
Hi Clarissa, I was wondering about synastry and hoping you might say something on it. I know we shouldn’t discriminate based on a person’s chart but realistically we just get on better with some signs while others infuriate us. – Alex
These were two questions I received in response to this post asking what readers would like to see covered here. The first came through the comments section, the second in email. I’m not a fan of synastry in general, not that it doesn’t work but I find it overrated. Synastry that looks perfect on paper does not necessarily translate to a perfect relationship in real life. People are free to use the potential in their charts any way they please and in ways not to their partners liking, synastry chart be damned. I am more partial to using composite charts for couples but again a person is free to use the potential of a relationship however they choose, so there’s limitations to what partnership charts can do.
I also am absolutely not a fan of using astrology as a method of discrimination against people. Generally this comes from people who, when first starting to learn about astrology, look at the charts of people they don’t like or have difficulty getting along with and find a common denominator, a certain Sun sign or rising sign for example. So, they assume all people with that common denominator in their charts are such-and-such and begin to stereotype and/or avoid them. There’s problems with this, besides the obvious one of writing off large amounts of people; for one thing, a person may be encountering those who are exhibiting the worst of a particular astrological infuence. That’s something that happens to every planet, sign and house. People being free to use potential as they want means not everyone wants to embrace their better potential. How a person uses what is at their disposal is more a matter of their character, and character is not shown in a chart.
It’s common to have certain negative experiences one after another with a certain astrological denominator, make assumptions based on negative experiences, and then find someone with the same thing in their chart who changes your opinion for the better. Writing people off or painting them with a broad brush based on their charts is a great way to alienate potential friends and lovers.
That’s not to say that certain astrological influences don’t provoke significant responses in people, though. It’s worth investigating why people of a particular astrological makeup provoke such responses in you if you find this happens often. Stop and consider that there’s nothing wrong with them, that instead this reaction is saying something about you.
People can make a relationship last, and be a happy one based on so many other factors, that seemingly hard or doom-and-gloom synastry or composite aspects shouldn’t be a deciding factor. It is information worth knowing, for sure, but ultimately it’s up to the owners of the charts to make a relationship work and what looks bad on paper can make it interesting and even fun in real life. Having said all that, there are some things I look at in synastry that are worth considering, and that I find can create trouble spots if they are not actively worked with and worked out.
– Partners who trigger each others North or South Nodes The Nodes are sensitive points in our charts, full of information about who we are, where we’re going and where we’ve been and no longer need to be. As I wrote previously in The North Node in Virgo Manifesto:
“The North Node is everyone’s manifesto. It is the point astrologers look to in a chart for greatest realization of potential and fulfillment. It is always opposite the South Node, that area of life that we are old pros at and do not need to further develop; in fact lingering too long around the South Node is always to our detriment. We are not static; we are meant to move and grow. The North Node is our mission statement, our declaration of intention; the path not yet travelled but a journey we need to undertake anyway. Think of it as a tree or vine: the South Node forms the roots, the soil and terrain we are confortable in, yet if the plant never leaves its roots it dies. It is meant to grow, push forward; even when lacking all the needed energy and nutrients to pull it off easily does not alter the intended purpose. Growth is necessary to sustain life itself, and the North Node is the manifesto outlining the steps.”
It is common, then, to run into people over the course of our lifetimes who have their natal planets or angles in the sign of ether our North or South Nodes, or people who embody the essence of the houses of our Nodes (i.e. a person with one of their Nodes in the 9th house is prone to having meaningful and/or difficult interaction with Sagittarius or Jupiterian types). Our exchanges with these people will be heavily colored by this influence and often there is a “karmic” feeling involved; whether or not we perceive the interaction to be beneficial or detrimental, relationships that trigger the Nodes often have an underlying feeling of a learning and growth experience.
With the South Node being more instinctively familiar to us, it is those people who share our South Node signs or embody our South Node houses that we seem to encounter more frequently and that is more prone to being problematic. The other person finds common ground with you and thus their attraction. On your end, you’re an old pro and a natural at what they’re in the lifelong process of honing and refining. There’s instant familiarity but often there’s also the feeling that these people triggering our South Nodes are draining. It’s important to realize that it’s not because their sign or their chart is that of someone who necessarily does this to you for fun, but that it is how you are experiencing it. Your South Node is boring and does not need to be dwelled on and people who trigger your South Node do dwell there, because that’s just part of who they are and they do not find these themes tiring or draining.
One would think, then, that people who trigger our North Node would automatically be better for us. Three problems with this: 1. People are often nervous about their North Nodes, as it is uncharted territory, which tends to make them dislike or shy away from or feel inadequate around people who embody or trigger their North Node; 2. Everyone everywhere has that funny human trait of running away from what’s healthy for us; and 3. You have to actually actively cultivate and invest yourself in your North Node path before you’ll find people also on that path.
Where it gets interesting is when you find someone with whom you both touch off each others North and South Nodes. There’s elements of both attraction and repulsion here, frustrations and soothing comfort. It can show a relationship that has a strong binding glue that helps keep the relationship together as one or both experiences growing pains in finding themselves. I often say that soul mates aren’t necessarily our marriage partners (though they can be!) as much as they are those people who come into our lives for mutual soul growth that neither person could do on their own. A relationship involving triggers of both the North and South Nodes often does this.
Honorable mention to asteroid Juno, which is often referred to as the soul mate asteroid and good synastry between two people’s Juno placements often shows a deep connection and even commitment.
– The partner’s ascendant is in your 12th house This happens with people who’s rising is in the sign that precedes your rising sign (they are a Libra rising and you are a Scorpio rising, so on and so forth…).
The ascendant is the starting angle of the chart and can be seen as the front door to the house, i.e. the initial appearance we give, how we let people in, how we enter other people’s lives. The 12th house has an unnecessarily bad reputation in astrology, and having synastry aspects involving the 12th house should not be seen as doom-and-gloom. Having a partners ascendant in your 12th house is often problematic, though, at least until both parties recognize what is going on. The 12th house hides things and points to what can’t be seen easily, if at all; having a partners ascendant in your 12th usually means there is an initial misunderstanding in how your partner comes across. It is easy to see them as being one way and then be completely shocked when they do something that you would’ve thought to be out of character for them.
This difficulty is compounded by the fact that the person with the rising in your 12th does not understand your reactions to them and their behavior oftentimes, as they’re just being themselves and probably feel they’ve been quite open and honest with you. They have no problem seeing you for who you are, the way you have problems seeing and understanding them. This is not an unhealthy or impossible synastry aspect to have, but it is important to know that one person does not see the other person as well as they should and so will need to be addressed and handled through other means.
– Your Moon and your partner’s Moon are not on the same page Attraction and seduction come from our Venus and Mars, but maintaining that connection comes down to the Moon. The Moon shows our emotional needs and expectations, which are often more primal and therefore dominating than we realize. The Moon also shows our home life. It’s a little simplistic to say happy Moons = happy home life, but there’s truth to it. The initial attraction that fizzles out after moving in together can point to one or both partners Moons not feeling heard or nurtured at home.
A nice flow between two partners Moons does not guarantee a happy or long lasting relationship by itself, but if there’s other supporting factors a nice mutual Moon flow does show emotional needs can be heard and met, and that the living arrangement can be to both parties liking. Having Moons that make stressful aspects to each other can create friction in the home and either suppression or high demands of the emotional needs. This too should not be seen as impossible to live with but it definitely needs to be recognized so adjustments and allowances can be made when ones emotional needs are running counter to the others and disruption in the living arrangement will not come as a shock.